You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
