just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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