I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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