yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
