Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
