highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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