the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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