she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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