I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
