if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
id be glad to
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
