i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
