I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize