he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
