i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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