is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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