im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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