just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
