do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
