Duck Duck Cougar?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
