i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
