Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
