Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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