end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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