Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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