i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
