The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
