We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
