I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
