Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
