Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
