Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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