remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
