i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize