I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
