he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
