I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
