I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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