hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think your dad took our porno
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
