OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
