I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
