Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize