I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
