do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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