There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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