Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
