I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
