Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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