We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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