There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
