Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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