You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
