she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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