He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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