atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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