Whod you bang
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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