Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
