I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
