My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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