Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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