I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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