Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
