She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
