she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
