Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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