Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize