you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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