I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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