$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
