Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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