pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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