The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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