and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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