I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
