I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
