You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
