She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize