Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
