when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
