Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You can't special order awesome
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
