Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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