dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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