do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
BRING THE BAGELS
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
