is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
