can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
